13 February 2010

Molesting my Molester : Regaining Power

We were at this familiar house, had to have about three rooms, the master on one side of the kitchen the other two rooms on the other end and then of course the the living room, dining room, there was a "game-room" like den and it was well furnished.
Everyone had left and my mother stated that she would be back which left the house to just the two of us.

Me and him.

He and I

Us

we

alone.

I was in the corner of the hallway quietly watching him work his way around the kitchen, cleaning and putting things in their appropriate places and right when he turned the light off to leave the kitchen i walked up behind him and wrapped a rope like [maybe it was a belt?] object around his neck until he became weak and fell to his knees. This made me feel a sudden rush that i had never felt before. It felt like all the blood in me immediately rushed to my clit, it became hard and i could feel myself getting wet, so wet that it began to run down my thigh.
Once he was unconscious i yanked and tugged at him until i could get him to the bedroom where i tied him to the bed.

Arm...
...arm...
...leg...
...leg

And woke him by pouring cold water on him. He jumped up out of shock and began questioning why i had him tied up, why was i treating him this way..

I slapped him, hard enough for his lip to bleed and told him that i would ask all of the questions and he was to speak only at that point.

The look in his eye was of straight terror.
Like he had inverted back to a little boy and i was the boogie man.
That look turned me on even more.

I grabbed him by the throat and began to slowly kiss him, pulling his penis thru the hole in his boxers and slowly stroking him until he became hard, as soon as i could feel the hardness of him peaking thru i blind folded him and taped his mouth because i only wanted to enjoy the fact that i was in charge.

Right before i put the blind fold on i could see tears streaming from his eyes and sadly enough i did not give a damn at this point i was ready to cum.

I dug my nails into the side of his stomach, deep enough to carve my name and then i began to suck him

slowly

allowing him to
grow inside of my mouth

large enough for it to
hit the back of my throat

and release a small amount of nut

I suppose that was my cue to
climb on top of him

i ripped the tape off of his mouth
and as he yelped i stuck my nails
in his throat as i tilted his head back whispering in his ear
"tell me you want it"
he shook his head no so
i slapped him
and repeated the demand
"TELL me you want it"
he nodded slowly
i asked
"what the fuck does that mean?"
he whimpered
"i want it"
i told him to repeat it
he yelled out slightly louder
"i want it"
i then proceeded by
telling him to

fuck me

like he meant it,

like he wanted it

like he craved it

like he loved it


he thru his pelvis
digging himself deeper into my

i yelled fuck me harder


my every wish was his command

and i could feel him
becoming apart of me
like i was transforming into him
i began to love myself
and despise myself at the same time
and right at this point is when i came

then i woke up out of my sleep
wet?
i had actually came in my sleep
first time ever...


now in this dream was i regaining power or losing my mind?

I was taking back what he took from me.

I was not angry.. just yearned for power.

The power rapist/molester usually is someone the victim knows: a friend, a date, an acquaintance, a relative.


Or maybe i was a bit angry since i used violence... The power rapist rarely threatens the victim with physical violence beyond the sexual assault itself, and does not usually injure the victim.


But i wanted to inflict pain, and i wanted to cum in the process. I wanted to him to feel the humiliation he put me thru and altho it was never any pain brought to me [outside of fucking me] what i wanted for him was the total opposite.

Two different profiles i read:

The Power Rapist is very different. He does not want to hurt the victim. Rather, he is seeking a conquest. He wants to have a woman and to control her. He always wants her to like him. He wants to "score" and is willing to use whatever means are necessary to force compliance. Thus, he is capable of hurting his victims. Power rapists often have fantasies about taking a woman by force as a way of fulfilling his fantasy. He often keeps the victim with him for hours, making normal social conversation and may even ask her for a date in the future. Power rapists are usually men who have been unsuccessful in interpersonal relationships in their lives in general. They rape to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

The Sadistic Rapist uses brutal, violent force and usually the force is lethal. Aggression is eroticized in his mind and anger and sexuality are fused into one. The attack is premeditated. Sadistic rapists commit the most grotesque crimes. Therefore, they often get the most publicity, creating the false impression that sadistic rapes are more prevalent than other types of rape.




Maybe it was just a dream pr maybe it was me wanting to feel Powerful again...
Either way this dream scared the hell out of me, what do you think?

4 Comments:

Anonymous Am said...

..Hmmm-So, have you been feeling powerless lately? Is this (the rape) something that continues to bother you? As far as umm..power, self esteem, feeling "whole" (I guess) goes?

I'm no dream expert, but perhaps the "wanting to cum" part is from like an unfulfilled sex need. I'm not sure, though..

And I'm sure you know, dreams reveal like..our deepest feelings or something ( I think)..I can totally cee someone wanting their rapist to experience what they went through..especially if it's still a problem..you know? [Sorry if I didn't help or anything.] :-/

13.2.10  
Blogger Iba O said...

AmmemmA you are crayzee sis / Lets see, as far as feeling powerless goes, yes i h suppose i have had that feeling for a few days now. So i can see and agree to that concept. The molestation itself does not bother me any more OR at least not like it [used] to.
As far as cumming goes, not only did i WANT to cum but i DID cum. Like, literally woke up and had to change my panties.. Weird much? Ha!

Lmao at your depth meaning of dreams, yes i am aware. I think i just needed to write this to get it out of me? Who knows chile
Thank you for reading Am's

13.2.10  
Anonymous Ideity said...

In the dream you were taking it out on the same person that harmed you. That was a mouthful of itself. Seems as if your mind wanted to rest of this situation and started to do so with revenge.

Studies show victims of crimes like these tend to repeat the same actions. Unfortunately, it tend to be with their own children. It is for the same reason as the "dream."

Everybody wants to heal and deserve to. There is just a healthy way to go about it.

13.2.10  
Anonymous IfeArt said...

My Sister....I am not sure just where to begin... I too am a survivor of family rape.This has haunted me for many years.. and at times still does. i admire the way that you took control in your dream.. and it was hard for me to read that you got wet and went through all of the sexual feeling that one would have....sex is sex.... and I struggle with that part.. that i sometimes still feel sexual when i think about that rape.. I am empowered by reading that his is a normal thing that happens to us.. even when our bodies are young it will respond to sex..we are human... our bodies respond...I don't have to feel guilty about what my body feels. I have NEVER look at my siuation the way that you have in your dream. Thank you for being the Honey Dipped Healer and sharing this healing with us all.

13.2.10  

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