Mid Day Message

I am currently at the beauty shop getting my "hair did" and i was discussing with my hairstylist the arguement my sister and i had over her Father. Went like this:

Me: Will your father be there?
Her: Don't ask me about my daddy
Me: Your attitude is fucked up
Her:Your head is fucked up
Me: My head is fucked up cause your daddy was fucking me.Blame him.
Her: Its time for you to grow up and get over what you claim happened. The shit isn't real anyways.

She stormed out.

I ignored the argument.

Continue on with my day as tho nothing happened.

It wasn't until yesterday when i realized the suppressed emotions i had about the situation.
I read that as we grow up, we all learn how to suppress emotions – maybe we fear the emotion too painful to experience; maybe because of conditioning “children should be seen and not heard” “big kids don’t cry” – for whatever reason, difficult emotions, such as anger, sadness or fear in some form are suppressed. This process creates many problems for us. A build-up of old, unsettling emotions from the past deadens our aliveness, inhibits our creativity, muddles and confuses the expression of love in precious relationships. Further suppressing and keeping our emotions “under control” drains physical and emotional energy and can limit worthwhile daily activity. Most people are only vaguely aware that they carry what can amount to quite a heavy burden around and fewer still have any understanding that it is possible to release and resolve this toxic emotional accumulation.

In human experience one of the most common vents for suppression's of energy is to project it outside ourselves. We typically blame someone or something outside ourselves as a way to escape experiencing the hot contents of our own unfelt energies. By learning a specific model for taking responsibility for and accepting ownership of the emotional energies deep within – without judgment nor blaming anything or anyone else nor ourselves – we allow ourselves, or become willing to feel these energies. This process is effectively facilitated by using a natural breathing technique which is cleansing and healing.

The goal of life for all humans is to become happy and peaceful – open and receptive to the joy of aliveness, to one’s own higher creativity and the ability to give and receive love. The pressure cooker analogy [boiling potentially dangerous contents can heat them to the point where we say that a person “blew his top”]. A good example of this is road rage, where all the anger which has not been experienced in a healthy way explodes out of proportion to the situation. In a less dramatic but no less damaging way, suppressions of fear can lead to panic attacks or to an inability to take the smallest risk in life.

With in knowing this i want to apologize for going off.
I want to apologize for holding on.
I want to apologize for losing my cool
I want to apologize for not releasing my emotions earlier on in life
But i will not apologize for being human.
I am entitled to my mistakes.
And this was one, of many, that i have to learn from.

Today i ask the creator to heal my heart.
I also ask for guidance in doing so.
He knows that this pain is a burden.
He also knows that i wish to let go.

There are Six Steps to Letting Go of Your Past:

1. Write, talk, draw, paint, or otherwise tap into your thoughts and memories. Letting go of your past means honoring your memories.
2. Let go of the emotions and feelings of painful memories by letting them wash over you – you'll feel horrible during, but relieved and peaceful afterwards. Let go of your past by reliving it.
3. Go back and talk to the people involved, if possible. Letting go of your past can mean going back.
4. Share your real feelings; confess if it's appropriate. Letting go of your past means expressing your emotions. If you have to deal with your mistakes, then own up to your shame or guilt.
5. Apologize and ask forgiveness if you need to. Letting go of your past means being vulnerable.
6. Get help with uncontrollable urges to overeat, get stoned or drunk, or otherwise hurt yourself. Letting go of your past means burying your pride.


I have accomplished the first step. Now its time for step number two.