usually when we are feeling like we are in "need of" something or someone, most of the time this is a false representation of a void we are trying to fill within ourselves. we must remember that, in order to love another, we have to first experience loving who we are or we will not succeed at love at all.

the same interest and acceptance we show for others, the same appreciation and compassion we attempt to spread through out the universe, will all go unnoticed if we do not water our inner flower with those very same nutrients. there is nothing wrong with loving you first. the only person who should come before you is God. Please do not take my words lightly


btw
good morning to you

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if only we knew the amount of control we give our enemies [and our inner demons] when we allow them to see us angered by a petty move. I honestly believe if we did not allow our selves to become attached, we wouldn't be so hurt once we are disappointed. I trust that my ancestors will guide and protect me, and God will continue to cover me, even in the midst of someone doing wrong towards me. Ashe

I will maintain my character and bless their hearts. They have been hurt before. And so have I. The only difference is, i am slowly healing. Their healing has yet to begin. -Iba O

How to Handle Attachment

“One man can conquer a thousand times thousand men in battle,
but one who conquers himself is the greatest of conquerors.”
The Dhammapada

The following antidotes can be applied throughout daily life, but are profound meditation exercises as well.

ANTIDOTE 1 - Observe Yourself: Do I exaggerate positive qualities of things I am attached to, are they really worth all my troubles? Is it really worth to work hard for days, weeks or months to have an hour of fun?

ANTIDOTE 2 - Use Your Inner Wisdom: Discover how exaggerated attachment is and how desire works against oneself. Try to be wiser than the monkey and let go of the candy to be free.

ANTIDOTE 3 - Reflect on the Unsatisfactory Nature of Existence. This is also called the First Noble Truth. How much fun is fun really, and how much is it forgetting the pain? Do desires ever stop or is it an endless job to fulfil them?

ANTIDOTE 4 - Reflect on Impermanence. How important is the person or object: everything will end someday, people die, things break.

ANTIDOTE 5 - Reflect on the Problems of Attachment. Lying in the sun is great, but it quickly leads to sunburn. Eating nice food is great, but it leads to indigestion and obesity. Driving around in big cars is great, but how long do I have to work to enjoy this?

ANTIDOTE 6 - Reflect on bodily attraction (lust for sex). Loving someone is great, but what happens when the "honeymoon-days" are over? But what is the body really? What more is it than a skin bag filled with bones, flesh, disgusting organs and fluids?

ANTIDOTE 7 - Reflect on the Results of Attachment. Greed and craving lead to stealing and all kinds of crime, including war. Addiction to alcohol and drugs are simply forms of strong craving; they destroy the addict and the surroundings. Uncontrolled lust leads to sexual abuse. The feeling of greed, craving and lust in themselves can be easily seen as forms of suffering.

ANTIDOTE 8 - Reflect on Death. What are all objects of attachment worth at "the moment of truth" or death?

ANTIDOTE 9 - Emptiness. The ultimate antidote to attachment and all other negative emotions is the realisation of emptiness, see more in the page on Wisdom.

The 12 Steps of Liberation

1. The truth of suffering. We experienced the truth of our addictions – our lives were unmanageable suffering.
2. The truth of the origin of suffering. We admit that we craved for and grasped onto addictions as our refuge.
3. The truth of the end of suffering. We came to see that complete cessation of craving and clinging at addictions is necessary.
4. The truth of the path. We made a decision to follow the path of liberation and to take refuge in our wisdom, our truth, and our fellowship.
5. Right view. We completely see our life as it is. Our goodness is indestructible. We are willing to acknowledge and proclaim our truth to ourselves, another human being and the community.
6. Right thought. We are mindful that we create the causes for suffering and liberation.
7. Right speech. We purify, confess and ask for forgiveness straightforwardly and without judgment. We are willing to forgive others.
8. Right action. We make a list of all persons we harm and are willing and able to actively make amends to them all, unless to do so would be harmful.
9. Right livelihood. We simplify our lives, realizing we are all interconnected. We engage in active compassion. We select a vocation that supports our recovery.
10. Right effort. We acknowledge mistakes and relapse as part of the path. We continue to practice these steps with joyful effort.
11. Right mindfulness. Through prayer, meditation and action we follow the path of truth, being mindful moment by moment.
12. Right concentration. Open to the spirit of awakening as a result of these steps, we will carry this message to all people suffering with addictions.