02 December 2008

2nd Chance

This was an actual letter that i turned into a poem
you can have it

My Suicide Letter
To whom it may concern::
If your reading this i am gone already Got tired of this lifeI really wasn't ready
Ready for the long and restless nights Dealing with petty love fights
What was i really giving when i was living But my mother one more reason to worry
She never had time anyway I skipped childhood cause my life was put in a hurry
Had to learn how to have sex at twelve Funny no one heard me when i yelled
At 16 getting a quickie before school Cause once again my mother left me with that fool
Maybe i'll be one less soul for Bush to care about I killed myself The gov don't care as long as stock markets don't go crashing down
United Media buys FTD What about a cure for HIV
5 killed in Sydney of a boat collision [It made the news] my cousin got sprayed where's the recognition
Right before i put the gun to my head My last thoughts have to be what Grams said
Never let the Devil keep you down Smile even if you want to frown
If you want to hit em'give em' a hug either way its still a touch
Don't give the Devil the victory By speaking your sadness aloud
Just say God i thank you as loud as you an And he'll remove that cloud
Talk to God like you talk to me He's always here he listens
And while these thoughts are in my head I see a white light glisten
And so i begin to pray
O God, early in the morning I cry to you.Help me to pray And to concentrate my thoughts on you:I cannot do this alone.In me there is darkness,But with you there is light;I am lonely, but you do not leave me;I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;I am restless, but with you there is peace.In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;I do not understand your ways,But you know the way for me…Restore me to liberty,And enable me to live now That I may answer before you and before me.Lord, whatever this day may bring,
And as i finishedwith"in your Name I Pray"i wakeand im in ICU
It wasn't timeand now i knowI have a life to live before i go

I'm not promoting suicidei'm promoting life
We all have a reason to be here
Meditate or pray daily
Keep eyes to the sky
Everything will be ok


My suicide attempts were never by a gun but by pills and blades
thats another story for another night tho.

Ill be back later
im sure of it

Phone Sex

I had to be atleast 14
when i met
we'll call him Q

Q was in his 20's
and loved the way i sound
i met him thru a friend
never in person
only over the phone

any who

he was infatuated with my
and all tho i felt as tho i sounded
he didnt think so

This night he had been
watching Porn
apparently it got him
a little bothered

He asked me to moan
and at 14,
i cant reallt say i knew
wtf moaning was
so he moaned first
told me to follow
but im my own voice
and i did just that
and he was like
confused i said what
i did what you told me
and he said i know
it was beautiful

i giggled
not knowing what the hell
i really did
but hey
he liked it
so i asked him if he
wanted me to continue
and we'll
he said yes

he told me to say sexy things
ask him questions
he told me exactly what
a man wanted to hear
and i said just that

i asked if i could kiss him
he told me yes
and asked where
and in my mind i was like damn
too much thinking in this shit
i have to name parts to
but i moaned
your neck daddy
he said yes baby
kiss my neck
i made a kissing sound
he moaned'i figured that
meant he liked it
so i asked if i could kiss
his lips
he said yes
and another smooch he heard
i preceeded by talking about kissing
his stomach
and his thighs
and then he said
i paused
kiss your dick?
momma said that dont
go in your mouth
he said its ok
that we were on the phone
its not real
its just a visual
so what did i do?
i said i want to suck
daddys sick
and he begin to breath harder
as he told me yes he
asked me to moan
his name
as i did
i could hear his
i had no clue of what was going on
but he was having a great time
then he said he wanted to hear
my pussy
hear how wet it was
said he wanted to know that
i was really playing with it
i wasnt
so i kept moaning
until i could get my clothes off
and i put my hands down there
and man was i wet
i put the phone down there
and he went wild
i could hear him
damn baby
that shit sound so good
and i put the phone back to my ear
and i tried to stop rubbing myself
but i couldn't
it felt so good
and before i knew it
i was moaning forreal
getting wetter
some sort of
i was cumming

sex by phone
he turned me out lmao
we 'practiced' for a few weeks after that
until i heard her moan......

Late Night Talk

I was about 16
and for some reason
i was addicted to chat
this night i met a guy
lets just call Ken
Ken and i started to
talk more and more
and this one night
i was on the phone with him,
and he begin to masturbate
at this time i was more than
familiar with it
so i joined
and it felt so good to me
until i got disturbed
by 'him'
the only way i could stay
on the phone is if i let
'him' do what he liked
which was me
and i did not know how to
say ken
this guys wants to take my goods
you have to get a nut later
i let him
it went a bit like this::
Ken was in my ear
telling me the things
he wanted to do to me
and my did he sound good
the way he moaned made me
wetter by the minute
and then there was 'him'
he kissed my neck
and as he kissed my neck
Ken said tell me you love me
so i said
i love you
and 'him' whispered
call me daddy
'his' favorite line
and i did just that
i pleased two men at once
shit felt crazy
after 'he' kissed my neck
'he' went down to the blade
of my shoulder he kept going
to my nipples
and i admit
i got wet
wetter than i already was
this was wrong
it felt good
then he kissed my stomach
kissed my stomach and
then he
he kissed my clit
made me moan lightly
Ken had no clue
he thought i was really feeling him
and Ken said
do you like it baby
i said it felt wierd
not talking about masturbation as he
thought i was
but oral
from 'him'
the guy who wakes up to my mother
the man who kisses my sisters
the one who is suppose
to be my father figure
Ken asked me did i want him to go faster
i begged him to do so
and 'he' begin to go faster
sticking his fingers in
as he tongued my clit like he longed for it
and as Ken moaned louder
'he' went faster
i got wetter
and then we cam
the three of us
at the same time
crazy shit
very crazy